Once Again We Meet

So life has changed, and all for the better. Spain is in my future, y estoy muy feliz. Ese es lo que he deseado. Und mehr, alles ist endlich richtig mit meiner Freundin. Ich bin sehr sehr glucklich davon.

And the sun rose over the trees,
The mottled leaves turn green again,
The light shone over the crystal lake
Dashed upon the rainbow rocks.
And the flowers turned their faces
Reaching ever upwards.
The golden orb hanging suspended
Shedding its life-giving light
Over all of its domain.
Thus Spring arrives in the world
Once again we meet life
In full blossom, full bloom.

The Ghosts of Christmas

Christmas is upon us. The eve when the star appeared over a stable to signal the coming of the Son of God is here. It is a time of family, of giving, of reflection, and of love. Granted, most of these coincide. But my question is this. If all of these things make up the spirit of Christmas, does the exclusion of one also exclude the entire spirit? This is what it seems to me, though I am not entirely sure why.

As I've grown, in age, experience, and knowledge, the spirit has left me. Christmas Day almost seems an inconvenience more than a day of giving. Yet I believe it is merely that what I perceive more closely as my family has changed. Of course, my blood relatives, my parents and my brother and sister, are still family. But I have grown apart from them to a much greater degree than I expected I would, and in a much shorter time period. The people I love and spend the majority of my time with are what I believe I need to recapture the spirit of my lost childhood. It has only been a week and a half since I left those same people, and I have missed them from nearly the moment I left.

If only those same people could be a part of my Christmas, I'm sure I would feel the same excitement waking up Christmas morning that I did when I was younger, believing that Santa Claus had left everyone lots of presents. I miss that excitement, and I would do anything to recapture it.

The Nature of my Spirit

A light rain falls. It wets my hair, though the hood of my sweatshirt supposedly protects it. I walk along a darkened lane between the headstones; never frightening, they now generate a certain friendliness as they signify that I am almost home. The rain falls a little heavier, knocking the autumn leaves to the ground. Brown, orange, red: any number of variances of these colors swirl around me, leaving me feeling vaguely like one of them. Is this an omen of falling...or failing?

Darkness is complete, above and around me. The misty lights of electric torches shine weakly on the many-times crunched leaves beneath my own feet. I see some kind of symbolism in this, though I do not recognize it. But for some reason, an alien thing inside me awakens, though it never sleeps for long. Tears well up in the corners of my eyes, though I mightily try to hold them back. The fresh rain mixes with the salty tears streaming down my cheeks that have no origin or purpose.

Such is the nature of my spirit these days.

That Cold Moon

I cannot hide
That which is inside
Open gaping maw
Beneath my floating heart.
I leave a second
A minute leaves me
I stand outside Walking away.
The moon shines down Partly obscured,
The man gives a little half-grin.
Shadowing his cold face
Mine own grimaces.

Strangely enough....

It's a strange thing, very peculiar. I can't quite describe it...there are no words. It is everything and it is nothing. It is understanding and it is jealousy. It's everything I want to be with the things I can't stand.

But no matter. I have no hand in this. It seems fate has decreed that I join the ranks of those victims of its pranks. But is this a prank? Could this actually be truth? If it is a prank, it is the cruelest trick to play. Not that it hasn't been played before or will be played again, but it is cruel nonetheless.

It is the shining star light years away. It is the burning fire in the hearth before me, inside me. Is there naught to be done for this...affliction, if affliction it is? Or is this rather a cure with the worst kinds of side effects? I do not know. This is something new, and yet it is ancient beyond memory. I have known this before, yet it is still alien. I have learned and understood this, but it has transformed into an entirely new mystery. I could never win at Clue, so how can I plan to figure out this challenge?

There is the greatest distance between us, and yet we are only separated by a few feet. We have gapped this distance before, and likely will again. In the meanwhile, am I to suffer needlessly, constantly stressing over the little comment that could mean anything? I guess so. That is the way of this mystery. First, the mystery itself is discovered. Then the fretting over who could possibly be the culprit. I have already solved that one. That was the easy part. The next part is usually the easiest part...capturing the culprit. For me....this is no little task. I have no Scooby-Dooesque plan that could randomly catch the bad guy. I have no SWAT team standing by to blow the doors in and arrest everyone and holding the real evil guy. No, I only have me. Just me, the way I am, what I've done, and what I believe.

Is this a strong enough rope? Is it enough?

Star Poetry

Above me shining in nightly radiance
Are the stars twinkling, clouded by earthly luminance.
I long for the darkness, crisp and clear,
Where might I but listen for those dear
Evening breaths of this star so near.
Yet worldly strains constrain me
And higher bounds contain thee,
Such that I must strain to glimpse thee
But you doth fain release me.
And so I reach with heart alive
To glance upon and thus contrive
A pardon for weary soul's reprieve.
And thus the nightly lights be set
And thus to shade reason's counterfeit.

Nighttime Musings

When you say good night
Do I fill your dreams?
Before you slip into your dreams
Do you save one beautiful smile
For the idiotic quip I made?
When you say good night
Do you truly wish me pleasant dreams?
Before you slip into your dreams
Do you gaze at the stars
And remember our night on the ledge?
When you say good night
Do you look forward to seeing me?
Before you slip into your dreams
Do you see me above you,
Loving and defending your sleeping form?
When you say good night,
Before you slip into your dreams,
Do you think of me?
Because I think of you...